Still Sick
When I first became sick with cancer I was swathed in a cocoon of kindness tinged with other people’s fear. I received significant empathy, sympathy, compassion, and care. This came with a good amount of unwanted and unasked for advice on healing treatments and cures of course, as well as blame and assumption of asking for it, but there was still a sense of good faith that I was a human who was experiencing a difficult experience and was in need of support, which others were quick to offer.
What I did not know then, and could not know, is that there were all of these socially agreed upon norms which say that the one who is sick receives care for the purpose of getting better, of becoming healed and well again. This is so they can go back to work and become “productive” members of society, because this is the only way we value people. If you are a person who becomes sick and never gets well, the rules of engagement break apart and no one knows what to do anymore. I became cancer free but my body did not get well. I became sicker and sicker, with more and more illnesses to follow, and I am now a disabled person who lives with significant chronic illness and pain. My very existence defies the assumed agreement, that the sick body’s primary purpose is to get well again. When your body does not cooperate, when your presence challenges normativity, people become quite uncomfortable and rather than changing the understanding of the body and relationship, insist on conformity for their own comfort at the expense of your growing pain.
What this comes to look like is a long list of advice on how to get better. Unasked for advice. Not useful advice. Ludicrous suggestions. Insulting Reductionism. Blatant disregard for complexity. Advice that assumes we have not already tried such things or are not already implementing such modalities. Advice that goes against what our care providers recommend. Advice that is sometimes dangerous to our health. Advice that while perhaps a common sense approach to a typically “healthy” person such as “get outside” or “exercise” denies the lived experience of our conditions where sunlight can be deadly or exercise is not energizing but depleting and will break our bones. And yet the information and assumed “help” comes all the same, with head nods and sad smiles and condescending implications that if we just tried harder, we could be well.
While those of us who live with this constant barrage of recommendations can sometimes hold the good intentions of those who offer (They are trying to help. They are offering what they can. It worked for them. They do not mean to be offensive. They are simply afraid of that which they cannot control) the reality is that it is hurtful and sometimes harmful. If I want advice, I will ask. That it is given without asking comes not from a place of care but a fear of becoming me and a need to know that if, god forbid, you became me you would not stay sick but would become well again.
But I’m still sick. You will need to deal with your discomfort somewhere else then my own body.
Here is an incomplete list of things I and others who are still sick like me have been told will heal us, cure us, make us well again. If you feel fatigued upon reading, know it is far more so upon receiving regularly, all while bed ridden and in pain.
1.Meditation.
2. Candida Cleanse.
3. Master cleanse.
4. A special cleanse at a clinic in Arizona for thousands of dollars.
5. Chaka realignment.
6. “Just relax”
7. Raw diet.
8. Paleo diet.
9. Keto.
10. Angels.
11. “You need to exercise more, then your pain level will go down.”
12. Yoga.
13. Hot yoga.
14. Gentle Yoga.
15. Mindfulness Yoga.
16. “You just need to get out more.”
17. Supplements.
18. Shakeology.
19. Juicing.
20. Sound healing.
21. Past life regression.
22. Eliminate nightshades from your diet.
23. “You should really see my chiropractor.”
24. Chiropractic for mental illness.
25. Chiropractic to cure spinal tumors.
26. Chiropractic care for cancer.
27. Gain weight. 2
8. Eliminate everything from your diet.
29. Ear candling.
30. Vaginal steaming.
31. Essential oils rubbed on the feet.
32. Essential oils for curing migraines.
33. Ingesting essential oils until you are sick.
34. Homeopathic remedies.
35. Removing mercury from dental work.
36. Eat more protein.
37. Herbs.
38. “Believe. Just believe.”
39. Don’t be angry.
40. Alkaline water.
41. Sending energies via hands laid upon ears to restore hearing.
42. “Walk in health.”
43. “You should speak to a psychiatrist” — said when having a hard time controlling blood sugars due to T1D.
44. “Be happy.”
45. Vitamin C infusions.
46. B12 shots.
47. Read the Bible.
48. Eliminate toxic emotions.
49. Weekly colonics.
50. The poison of positive thinking.
51. Breathe.
52. You just have to try harder.
53. “Just do one thing.”
54. Sleep beneath a pyramid.
55. Stop taking so much medication.
56. Think about how others have it worse than you.
57. Acupuncture.
58. Go on vacation.
59. Think about your children.
60. Orthotics.
61. Vegetarian diet.
62. Vegan diet.
63. Organic diet.
64. CBD.
65. Keep a gratitude journal.
66. Be grateful you are alive.
67. Be grateful it isn’t worse.
68. Be grateful for what you do have.
69. “Just don’t be anxious and depressed. You just have to wake up and choose not to be.”
70. Everything happens for a reason, and you won’t be better until you understand what that reason is.
71. Hypnosis
72. Whatever Gwyneth Paltrow is selling at the moment.
73. The power of NOW.
74. Look for the silver lining because there always is one.
75. You just need a boyfriend.
76. “Remember how lucky you are.”
77. Faith over fear.
78. The Law of Attraction.
79. The Lord will provide.
80. Your family is enabling you and this is a mental condition not a physical one.
81. SSRIs for physical illness.
82. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for physical illness.
83. Barbiturates for physical illness.
84. Use the right pillows.
85. Apple cider vinegar.
86. Mantras.
87.Meta.
88. Colon cleanses.
89. Infrared saunas.
90. Focus on the positive.
91. Eat clean.
92. “Don’t give up on yourself.”
93. “Manifest what you want.”
94. “God gave you this because He knew you could handle it.”
95. Lose some weight.
96. “Cut down to part time work.” — said to single parents.
97. “You’re just tired because you are a mom.”
98. Everyone is tired.”
99. Kale.
100. Carrot juice.
101. No caffeine.
102. No sugar.
103.Medical Medium book.
104. Go to bed at the same time every night.
105. “You just need more sex.”
106. Cut out all processed food.
107. “Have you tried detoxing?”
108. “Look on the bright side. “
109. Celery juice.
110. Get more sleep.
111.Coffee enemas.
112.Magnet filled bed topper.
113. Copper braces and jewelry.
114.Louise Hay’s “You Can Heal Yourself”
115. Polyvagal theory.
116.Attachment theory.
117. Intermittent fasting.
118. Catnip enemas.
119. Cannabis juice.
120. Sleeping on the floor.
121. Low oxalate diet.
122. Sound therapy.
123. Ghost ancestry work.
124. “Instead of getting a bone marrow transplant, think your mutated blood cells into healthy ones.”
125. “Get sunshine” — the number one thing told not to do by physicians.
126. “You cause your own suffering.”
127. “Change your thinking” because it’s all in your head.
128. “do the Work”
129. Stretch.
130. Keep moving.
131. No gluten.
132. No soy.
133. More fruit and veggies.
134. Sea salt.
135. Pink salt.
136. Himalayan salt.
137. Dead sea salts.
138. No salt.
139. Tinctures.
140. Tinctures at a different doses.
141. “Pray it away.”
142. “I’ll do long distance Reiki for you” — without my permission or desire for you to do so.
143. Lectin free diet along with hundreds of dollars worth of supplements from Gundry.
144. “If you didn’t want this it wouldn’t be happening.”
145. EMDR.
146. No artificial sweeteners.
147. I will put my hands on your head and tell you your cyst is now gone.
148. Tea made from whatever the latest trend indicates.
149. Ion foot cleanse.
150. Pemf Mat.
151. Kombucha.
152. Raw milk.
153.Kefir.
154. Weston price food style.
155. Cupping.
156. Hair and saliva testing.
157. “How are you manifesting this?”
158. Whatever Dr. Oz is pushing at the moment.
159. Sand tray therapy.
160. Jon Kabat Kinn.
161. Stop using microwaves.
162. Non-violent communication.
163. Somatic experiencing.
164. Somatic therapy.
165. Anything with the word somatic in it.
166. Cucumber water.
167. Lemon water.
168. Grind your own wheat berries.
169. “This too shall pass.” — except it won’t because it’s chronic.
170. “God always has a plan.”
171. “Good always comes out of hardships.”
172. Homemade yogurt and butter and cheese.
173. Grass fed meats.
174. Sweat lodges.
175. Sublingual drops.
176. Walk more.
177. “Have kids. It will distract you.”
178. Use sleep meds.
179. Use natural remedies.
180. Don’t ever use sleep meds.
181. Metals.
182. Crystals.
183. Stones.
184. Naturopath.
185. Leave the city because of pollution.
186. “Get dressed. You’ll feel better.”
187. Make your bed every morning.
188. Self care.
189. Have your tried drinking more water?
* written with thanks to my community of crips and spoonies who contributed their own unsolicited advice given.
